How to tell if you’re “seeker-friendly.”

HOW TO TELL IF YOU’RE SEEKER-FRIENDLY

12. You think evangelism is handing out copies of Purpose Driven Life.

11. You think The Five Solas are a youth worship band.

10. You think Calvinists worship a little boy and stuffed tiger.

09. You think Bounce dryer sheets do great at stopping Hypostatic union.

08. Your pastor got saved (four times) at Billy Graham crusades.

07. You think Jesus would have had more success if He was just a bit nicer to the Pharisees.

06. You openly blast people who disagree with Oprah as being too narrow-minded and judgmental. Jesus would never be that way!

05. Your pastor did so preach on the book Romans! Romans 13:8-10, where it tells us how to get out and stay out of debt! (They gave away $10 gas cards that week too.)

04. Instead of “sin” your Pastor uses the word “oopsie.”

03. You think Paul Washer is what Jesus did to Paul’s feet when he was at the Last Supper.

02. You think ‘church discipline’ is the Technology Pastor yelling swear words at the iBook to get it to work.

01. Becoming Emergent is like coming out of the closet.

A million thanks to Berry and his friends for this list and a million more thanks to Berry for the M&M characters!

Stay tuned: next week I will reveal the list of How to tell if you’re “word of faith.” Also see How to tell if you’re Emergent.

Charismatic Pentecostals Gone Wild.

Thanks to Independent Conservative for this video. Not sure whether to laugh or cry.

*** Warning: The Song May Get Stuck In Your Head ***

United Church of Christ.

Now that the controversy over Barack Obama’s pastor has all but blown over, I thought I’d offer you some short video commercials to watch that will provide you with a better understanding of Barack Obama and Jeremiah Wright’s denomination; the United Church of Christ.

The top 30 signs that you might be an “Emergent.”

I found the following list on another blog along with additions by those leaving comments to the original post. They were so poignant that I chose to post them here for the readers of Reformation Nation but I only had 29. So I added number 30 myself to round out the list. Enjoy!

The top 30 signs that you might be an Emergent:

30. Your church has replaced the pulpit with a bar stool.

29. You once read a good story about some Jewish people and a cross.

28. You engineer every conversation so you are able to use the phrase, “you can’t put god in a box,” and laugh like you’ve said the funniest thing in the word.

27. You make everyone define everything before you begin a conversation. Since this takes forever you never really have a conversation.

26. You think hell is a construct somewhere in Tennessee.

25. You think everything is a metaphor for something else.

24. When you hear the word “Orthodox” all you think about is the great food at the Greek Festival every year.

23. You think “Patristics” is a new brand of snack food.

22. Church history started when your pastor was born.

21. The only Creed you know is a once-popular musical act.

20. You only curse around fundamentalists.

19. You leave your church because the sermon was not obscure enough.

18. You refer to your local assembly as “church,” “synagogue,” or “mosque” depending on who you are talking to.

17. Your blog is a rant about how everyone else rants too much.

16. You brag that you have never been pinned down theologically on any issue.

15. The only thing you are sure of is that others cannot be sure of anything.

14. You bring your own wine to communion.

13. You are offended when someone says they are going to “Preach the Gospel” or “Teach the truth” believing they should just “Tell a story.”

12. Instead of a tract, you carry a can of Play-doh in your back pocket.

11. Your website links to Green Peace and the Democratic National Convention just because conservatives are against it.

10. You start a Christian blog, but leave it blank, fearing that you might offend someone.

9. You are not any good at art, yet you continue to present the Gospel by painting stick figures on recycled paper.

8. When you present the Gospel, Heaven is renamed The Matrix and you call Christ Neo.

7. Your church caters from Whole Foods.

6. Every sermon illustration begins with “The other night I was drinking a beer and . . .”.

5. You have yet to read the book of Romans believing Paul was too modern in his thinking.

4. Your car has a bumper sticker that reads “I think my boss is a Jewish carpenter but I can’t know for certain.”

3. You don’t worship on Sundays because everyone else does.

2. You evaluate truth by asking how many people hold to it. If it is too popular, then it is wrong.

1. When someone calls out your name you get angry saying, “Don’t label me.”

HT: Parchment and Pen via Sicarii

Also check out How to tell if you’re seeker-friendly.

Coming soon from Reformation Nation:

How to tell if you’re word of faith.

The First Church of Oprah: Now over 2 million members.

This eight-minute video sums up the gospel according to Oprah and should leave no doubt in your mind whether or not she’s a sheep or a wolf.

Exchanging the truth of God for a lie.

Q. What happens when you’re born a woman but you get an operation to be a man, but you elect to only do half the job, then you intentionally get artificially impregnated and everyone considers you the first man to ever become pregnant?

A. You get booked on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Duh! What else would a self-respecting society do?

You can read the article here or watch the entire Oprah interview below (if you can stomach it):

Part One:

Part Two:

Part Three:

Part Four:

Part Five:

Here’s a news flash Ms. Beatie:

No one has ever heard of a man giving birth because it doesn’t happen. Never has and never will. You’re no exception. You’re a woman. Always have been, always will.

Reformation Nation receives its first threat-mail from “Prophet” Woody Ministries.

I received the following email from a subject (who chose to remain unnamed and unidentified) who claimed to be with “Prophet” Woody Ministries:

“As a part of the Woody Marin [sic] Ministries we’re officially notifying you that the pictures obtained from our web site and posted on your web page are without our consent and are illegal. The pictures are also copywrited [sic] by a professional photographer on the web site and have been used without his written permission as well. One thing about these ‘ministries’ that ‘fleece’ the people, we have lawyers. This is a friendly warning, next time you’ll hear from someone else.”

This threat-mail reposted above (verbatim and in its entirety) was in response to this previous post.

The pictures that were obtained from the “Prophet” Woody website posted for the public contained no copyright warnings and no disclaimers as to the terms of their use. In spite of that, I have chosen to do the right thing and honor the anonymous writer’s implied request to remove them.

I understand that my previous post could slightly disrupt their money making enterprise, but I have one burning question: Why in the world would a real prophet of God need lawyers? Seriously, wouldn’t speaking a curse over their critics be quicker and more efficient?

Who is exalted? (Parody)

New lyrics to an old classic.

I could think of a few churches where this song would fit in rather perfectly.

Fleecing the flock in Tennessee.

You too can meet “Prophet” Woody Martin every Sunday and get your vial of magical Blood of Jesus oil.

[Picture removed at the request (threat) of "Prophet Woody" ministries]

But that’s not all Woody has for sale. You can also purchase your very own Victory Prayer Shawl for only $100.

[Picture removed at the request (threat) of "Prophet Woody" ministries]

But Woody’s not done marketing himself. On the resources page, besides the shawl, you can also purchase his books and his very own music CD too!

[Picture removed at the request (threat) of "Prophet Woody" ministries]

And coming April 16th, the peach suit GQ “Prophet” Danny Davis will begin revival services. Danny Davis is selling the same vial of oil as Woody, but Danny calls it the “No Evil Oil.“

[Picture removed at the request (threat) of "Prophet Woody" ministries]

There’s fun to be had by everyone at Victory Temple Church. Even those who like to wear napkins on their heads.

[Picture removed at the request (threat) of "Prophet Woody" ministries]

Thanks to Fourpointer for the heads up on this wolf in a prayer shawl in Tennessee.

Selling a counterfeit faith to a biblically illiterate people. It’s like taking candy from a baby.

This kind of tomfoolery would vanish overnight if people knew the Scriptures. If people would actually read their Bibles these purveyors of another gospel would be out of business faster than they could say, “God wants you to sow a financial seed-of-faith offering.”

Miracle Real Estate:

Miracle Manna:

Anointed Prayer Handkerchiefs and Miracle Spring Water:

More Miracle Handkerchiefs:

More Miracle Spring Water:

Miracle Spring Water Examined and Exposed:

They believe they’ve got a “cool” place to “experience” God.

When a man-centered church is marketed like a business you get church advertisements like: “Experience the difference.”

At the following social club you will enjoy live music, dramas, and “relevant” practical messages while wearing your favorite pair of jeans. The coffee is hot so grab a donut, kick back and listen to awesome live music and you’re going to hear a message of hope.

(What’s that churning nauseas feeling in the pit of my stomach)?

When church marketing stoops to passing out shot glasses at bars.

” . . . And the Lord was adding to their numbers day by day those who were being saved.” - Acts 2:47

Just imagine how many more people could have been saved if only the early Church helped God out by employing such hip, cool, relevant, cutting-edge, and pragmatic marketing techniques as this:

A truly sad deception.

No doubt, the result of years of brainwashing.

How to trick your congregation into cleaning up the church property. (Updated Repost)

The pastor of this church has decided to clean up the church property and found an interesting way to get volunteers: present it to your congregation as a way to “reach the community” (they fall for that one every time). I hope this church isn’t going to equate this trash day event with the Great Commission. I’m not certain how getting your church members to clean up the church property (and the field next to the church property) is “reaching the community,” but they better hurry; they’ve been given a two hour time limit and they still plan on cleaning up a park too.

Oh and I’m sure it’s just a coincidence, but the park they’re cleaning up on March 22nd is the same park they’re having their Easter sunrise service at on March 23rd.

Hmmm . . . clean up the church property; clean up the field next to the church property; clean up the park they’re going to use the following day, and package it all as a selfless sacrifice to reach the community . . . Riiiggghhhttt! Read here how you too can spend the “best two hours of your week” picking up trash . . . for this church the community!

(I anxiously await those comments that will say something like “loving your neighbor” is best lived out by picking up trash around the church building).

“How do I lie to thee, let me count the ways.”

How many lies, heresies, and doctrines of demons can you count in these two videos? (You may need a calculator.)

Professing “Christians” Paula White and Larry Huch:

Professing “Christian” Oprah Winfrey:

Barack Obama’s pastor Jeremiah Wright.

Just when you thought this Trinity Church was as apostate as they come, Chris over at A Little Leaven has posted the following 3-minute video of Barack Obama’s pastor from Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago, Illinois .

After watching this short video below I had the following questions:

1). Did this guy attend the Fred Phelps school of theology?

2). What chapter and verse is he expositing this racism from? Is he actually preaching out of the Koran?

3). Since the whole message in this video was political, does this mean that TUCC will now have its tax exempt status revoked?

On a side note: Amidst all the weirdness, anger, hate, and shocking words that spewed from Mr. Wright, I noticed three things in this video that may be missed if you’re not looking for them:

1:34 The back of his robe either catches on fire or there are ants crawling up his back. Fortunately two observant men are quick to fix the problem without Mr. Wright missing a beat.
2:22 What’s with the freaky James Brown hot tub dance moves? A little weird for a pastor to do during a “sermon,” or at any time for that matter.
2:38 Get ready, here comes the hypocrisy. After two and a half minutes of bigoted and racist-laden rhetoric, Mr. Wright says that he won’t stoop to their level of “hatred, bigotry, and small mindedness.”

I did some checking into this man and discovered the following myriad of videos.

This news video reveals a whole lot more on Mr. Wright. You may ask yourself after viewing this video, why this man chooses to live in this country.

In the following video advertisement for TUCC, you’ll see Mr. Wright with Barack Obama at 1:46, right after scenes of the dancing costume circus on “stage.”

Jeremiah Wright on Fox. No one will ever accuse Mr. Wright of being quick to listen. I think he forgot who was the host and who was the guest.

And more on the topic.

Yoga for Christians?

Dare I say, “In name only?”

Someone sent me this garbage.

And then I found Luciferoga Christoga over at A Little Leaven:

Watch this short clip and tell me if your skin doesn’t crawl. Even those with limited discernment abilities should be able to tell there is something very wrong with all this.

So, I answer the question “Yoga for Christians?” with a question: “Why not?” Nowadays anything passes as Christian as long as the label “Christian” is smacked on whatever you’re trying to sell. Once you do that, then voila! It has now been Christianized. Here’s another good example: Praise Moves.

The only question I still have is “Why stop at Yoga?” How about pentagrams for Christians, or beer for Christians, or porn for Christians. Oh, then there’s the New Age for Christians (or did Oprah beat me to that one)?

More New Age drivel repackaged for a new generation of biblically illiterate Christians who will swallow it hook, line, and sinker.

The Moses Code (Teaser Trailer):

The Moses Code (Trailer):

Living Visionaries:

Marianne Williamson and the 11%:

Self-Centeredness:

The Shift:

I wonder if Randy and Paula White’s divorce was due to financial stress.

They love the 80’s.

When the church is operated by and filled with those who refuse to be separate from the world and its culture, the resulting supply and demand produces “sermons” that tickle the ears and leave the people–at best–as empty and unregenerated as when they entered the building, and–at worst–with hearts that are that much harder and that much more resistant to the truth. But none of that is of concern to them because their churches are sooo awesome!

New Age guru Oprah Winfrey pushing New Age author Eckhart Tolle’s book “A New Earth.”

The man in the following video does a good job at explaining the problem with Oprah, and just how dangerous she is.

And Oprah explains how she reconciles her New Age occultism with her “Christianity.”

That’s “Minister” Kathy Griffin to you!

Kathy Griffin caused waves last year when she made some rude remarks about our precious Lord and Savior Jesus Christ after she received an award (video).

So what is she up to now? Why, she’s become an ordained minister! That’s right. She received her ordination online from Universal Life Church so she could perform a marriage.

Read the news article here.

This just proves that just because someone is an “ordained minister” does not necessarily mean they’re actually saved and going to Heaven. There are a lot of woolly “sheep” howling at the moon these days and many are “ordained.”

Universal Life Church: Simple and easy ordinations for this life, wailing and gnashing of teeth for the next.

Now ordination is free, simple, and easy! At Universal Life Church you too can become a minister without ever opening a Bible or having a saving faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. In fact, it doesn’t matter what you believe, as long as you alone determine “what is right.”

Don’t believe it’s that easy? Check out their Become Ordained page here. Trust me, it will only take a second.

But that’s not all, if you want to confess your sins you can do it here electronically. Don’t worry, though, if you’re still too proud to humble yourself before a holy God to repent, then all you have to do is type an “X” in the box (seriously) and that’s good enough to be forgiven of your sins. The “X” will indicate that you “thought” about those past mistakes and that is sufficient. Isn’t e-confession great?

From the homepage of Universal Life Church:

Every person has the natural right (and the responsibility) to peacefully determine what is right. We are advocates of religious freedom.

The Universal Life Church wants you to pursue your spiritual beliefs without interference from any outside agency, including government or church authority.

You may become a legally ordained minister for life, without cost, and without question of faith.

Jesus Costume?

Now your child can dress like the happy, won’t-condemn-anyone, non-judgmental, non-demanding, unholy, “best-buddy” Jesus that he’s been taught that the Lord is.

Why wait till your Halloween Harvest Parties to show off this apparel? Adorn your little sweetheart in this costume for your upcoming Easter party celebrating bunnies and colored eggs the risen Lord!

Nothing says shallow Christianity like a Jesus costume!

Brian McLaren is absolutely certain that no one can be absolutely certain.

From page 14 of popular false teacher Brian McLaren’s book A New Kind of Christian comes this drivel:

“I drive my car and listen to the Christian radio station, something my wife always tells me I should stop doing (”because it only gets you upset”). There I hear preacher after preacher be so absolutely sure of his bombproof answers and his foolproof biblical interpretations. . . . And the more sure he seems, the less I find myself wanting to be a Christian, because on this side of the microphone, antennas, and speaker, life isn’t that simple, answers aren’t that clear, and nothing is that sure.”

ABC’s 20/20 examines how some televangelists use your money.

Yet another “church” making headlines for all the wrong reasons.

There’s so many things wrong with this that I won’t even bother wasting my time discussing it. But here’s my suggestion to Relevant Church: How about trying the 30-day Study-Your-Bible Challenge?

George Bush proves once and for all, that he’s not a Christian.

Finally, George Bush (indirectly) denies he’s a Christian by (directly) claiming that we (including non-Christians) all worship the same God (except terrorists of course) and that even non-Christians will get to Heaven–just by a different route.

I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, no one comes to the Father but by Me. - Jesus Christ (John 14:6)

I wonder if all the Christian bookstores are going to pull their stacks of George Bush books from their shelves now?

HT: A Little Leaven

Do you support your local Christian bookstore?

My recent visit to a local Christian bookstore got me thinking about something and I thought I’d pose the question to the readers of this blog:

Do you patronize your local Christian Bookstore? By patronize I specifically mean, do you make purchases from your local Christian bookstore?

Here’s my thoughts:

The Christian bookstore can be a light in the darkness of a somewhat spiritual desert in some communities. There are people who stumble into such establishments who would never darken the doors of a church. Usually the owner, and workers, are professing Christians who could help lead a lost soul to Jesus Christ.

On the other hand, every Christian bookstore that I’ve been in sells tons of literature and books that contain enough heresy to lead any seeking soul who finds them to Hell. Alongside great books of the Christian faith can be found almost every purveyor of false doctrine, every wind of doctrine, and every doctrine of demons imaginable.

So the question arises, how much poison is permissible in your glass of water? Do you support such a den of heresy? If so, why? If not, why?

Ryhmes with “funny,” “honey,” and “bunny.”

Recently I was changing the channel of a television set at a convalescent facility I was at when I came across Mike Murdoch who was holding one of his own books as he was preaching (not the Bible). And guess what he was talking about? It was the very same thing he was talking about when I came across him on TV back in October (see this previous post). I’ll give you one guess and three hints as to what he was talking about–what his “gospel” is. Se if you can guess correctly.

Hint 1:  It rhymes with “funny.”

Hint 2:  It rhymes with “honey.”

Hint 3: It rhymes with “bunny.”

As a side note, the video below is an update on another wolf leading the flock astray: Kenneth Copeland.

Denying Hell: The bandwagon is getting quite full.

The topic of Hell came up in another post (read the comments here). One commenter–a Mormon–has found himself on the side of Universalists, Agnostics, Atheists, Wiccans, Jehovah’s Witness and Carlton Pearson in either down-playing, altering or denying the existence of Hell. Regardless of whether this is just his personal view or the LDS organization’s new PR move, either way, the denial of hell is beginning to gain in popularity.

For clarification, the denial of the doctrine of Hell doesn’t have to be confined to denying the existence of Hell. There are multiple ways of twisting, spinning, and distorting Scripture all while asking, “Hath God really said?” These include questioning the duration, the type of punishment, the degree of punishment, adding the teaching of purgatory to it, denying that most people will find themselves there (usually preceded with “A Loving God would never do that,” or “My God would never do that“), etc.

As the ecumenical movement gains momentum we find more and more beliefs merge in areas where they once found themselves in disagreement. The doctrine of Hell is yet another “politically incorrect” orthodox teaching of Christianity that is being discarded for the more modern, God-light view shared by an ever-increasing number. As people continue to form a personal, conscience-easing god in their own image tailored to suit their own tastes, we will continue to see more and more people denying biblical doctrines such as Hell. It usually starts with “I just can’t believe ______ ” fill in the blank.

Compromising biblical doctrines (like the deity of Christ, the atonement of Christ’s shed blood, the Trinity, the authority of holy Scripture, etc.) are frequently being done now in the name of the new Greatest Commandment: Unity.

I welcome your comments.

Whatever happened to holiness . . . in the Church?

There’s no way around it. The current state of the church in America is lukewarm at best, and apostate at worst. The modern visible Church bears little resemblance to the Church of the first century or even the Church of a century ago. The modern Church has blended so much and so well with the world that no one can tell the two apart.

Today, we have a brand of “Christianity” for every taste, sin and vice imaginable. Churches have thrown out the preaching of the Gospel and are are now catering to those who have one foot in the Church and the other foot in the world. People who refuse to deny themselves and take up their crosses (Mark 8:34), crucify their old self (Romans 6:6 & Galatians 2:20), sever their friendships with the world (James 4:4 & 1 John 2:15), and separate themselves (2 Corinthians 6:17), can now have their cake and eat it too. They can have their Churchianity and feed their insatiable lusts of the flesh at the same time. Welcome to the “Christian” Vanity Fair.

Whether your vice is a love for the Beatles, Elvis, The Spice Girls, Michael Jackson, Garth Brooks, heavy metal rock concerts, hip hop culture, rockabilly hot rods, clowns, poker, Las Vegas, bars, all things Gothic, homosexuality, pastors with “hot wives,” jokes with sexual innuendos, Hooters waitresses, an unhealthy fascination with earth worship environmentalism, narcissistic pastors who missed their callings to be video jockeys on MTV, making light of the Savior, Marijuana consumption, television, desire to be a rock star (but can’t make it big time), bathroom humor, psychics (and their magic soap), BMX stunt shows (and the gospel of bike safety), kick-boxing, belly dancing, aerobics, wrestling, Harry Potter, scantly clad dancers at Christian concerts, feminist goddes worship, get-rich-quick schemes, winning prizes, a 30-foot inflatable sex organ as a ministry tool, apostate sermon series’ entitled God Loves Sex, and all other sermons that have little to do with God and a lot to do with sex.

Now who wouldn’t want to attend churches and events like these if their Christianity consists of checking off “Church” on their list of things to do to be in good favor with God? If they have to sit through church they might as well be entertained.

Even this church boasts that they’re “fun, exciting, powerful, and relevant.” (They also happen to display a nuclear mushroom cloud on their website for some unknown reason). So, when did Christianity become all about YOU? When did the Church begin to cater to nothing but YOU?

Well, with all the frivolity happening in the Church today, I decided to illustrate the difference between what passes as Christianity today (as seen above) with Christianity from the past. The following excerpt from the Voice of the Martyr’s book, Jesus Freaks will serve as Exhibit A. Let this example speak for itself between now and then–what Christians live for now, compared to what they died for then.

The day of their victory dawned, and the martyrs went from the prison to the amphitheater as if they were on their way to heaven. Their faces were radiant. Perpetua followed at a gentle pace, as a great lady of Christ. The power of her gaze forced the spectators to lower their eyes. She sang a hymn of triumph.

At the beginning of the show, two of the men were attacked by a leopard and then mauled by a bear. A wild boar was then let loose on Saturus, but the boar turned on the one who unleashed him, goring him in the stomach. Saturus was only dragged on the sand. Then he was tied up on the bridge in front of a bear, but the bear refused to come out of his den. So for the second time Saturus was left unhurt.

Perpetua and a young woman named Felicitas were put in the arena with a bull. Felicitas fell, seriously wounded. Perpetua was tossed in the air, and her robe was torn. As soon as she got up, she ran to Felicitas and gently raised her from the ground. When the bull refused to attack them again, they were removed from the arena.

The show was almost over; Saturus was put in the arena one last time, the leopard was let loose, and with one bite, Saturus was mortally wounded.

Finally, those who were still alive were brought back in to be killed by gladiators. First, they gave one another the kiss of peace. Then all remained still and received the sword in silence. Perpetua was assigned a young, untried gladiator, who was not used to such scenes of violence. He stabbed her weakly several times between the ribs, but did not kill her, so Perpetua guided his wavering hand to her throat. (Pages 301-302)

The official song of Reformation Nation, At The Crossroads, should be an anthem for the Church today.

 

Robert Schuller’s pragmatism revealed in his own words in this short music video.

The debate: XXXChurch and porn star Ron Jeremy.

Two videos highlighting the debate between XXXChurch and Ron Jeremy.

Pete the Porno Puppet (two videos).

From the folks that brought you the ministry tools Wally the Wiener and “Every time you masturbate God kills a kitten,” comes two videos from Pete the Porno Puppet. The latest arsenal in the war against pornography:*

Strong viewer discretion is advised.

HT: A Little Leaven